Halo: Reach Bloopers
by PurpleViolin
Summary: WHAT? ANOTHER PARODY? Maybe, you decide whenever it's funny or not. It's a "What if Halo: Reach was a movie?" With any movie,there's bloopers. Follow the antics and slip ups from your favorite Noble Team as they try to survive without dying of laughter.


_**PurpleViolin: HELLO EVERYONE IN THE HALO WORLD! Wow, this is my first game fanfiction (sort of)! So it's not really a fanfiction since I just started to learn about the Halo series recently from my gamer friends. It's really a 'what if Halo: Reach was a movie and it had bloopers?" fanfiction. I know I'm not the only one that came up with the idea but if you are making some form of parody or something similar to what I'm writing, I had no idea that you are writing what I'm writing and that I'm not taking your ideas. Please don't write a review saying, "YOU TOOK MY IDEA B****!" I'll say it again, I had no idea. So, I'm going to write bloopers based on the level/mission in Halo: Reach. In this fanfiction, I'll be writing Noble Six as male AND female and I'm making them twins just because I think it works. Forgive me if I mess up on some of the names of the Covenant or the weapons or the armor, I'm a newbie. I hope you guys are fine with the names that I picked for them.**_

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Halo series, I would probably know every little thing about all the books and games. On that note, I do not own anything about Halo.**

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**Winter Contingency- "Technical Difficulties"**

Charlotte, the female Noble Six, had been briefed by the director about how she'll put on her helmet when during the ride to the campsite. She was sitting in the Warthog while talking to the driver of the Warthog about how the road would get bumpy when they reached towards a certain part of the road. The director yelled for everyone to take their places and wished everyone luck on their first take. She and the driver ceased their conversation and she took her helmet from the assistant director and placed it on her lap. The driver was checking if everything was running accordingly when he accidentally turned on the radio. She and the driver looked at each other and laughed when the song _Boom Boom Pow_ _by the Black Eyed Peas_ burst out of the speakers.

"I didn't know this song still played in 2552!" laughed Charlotte as she reached for the knob to silence the radio.

The driver chuckled, "Neither did I!" The both of them looked at the director who was glaring at them playfully. They both smiled sheepishly at him.

The director shook his head and muttered as he sat down behind the camera, "What a way to start a movie."

**Winter Contingency- "Bumpy Ride"**

Charlotte and the driver drove along the road while another car was driving at the right side of the Warthog. The car had the director, the assistant director, the boom operator, and two camera men. "Okay," called out the director through his megaphone, "When you hear sound, I want you to put your helmet on!" Charlotte turned to the director and gave him a thumbs up to show that she understood. The director yelled action and she started to examine her helmet just as like the script read. On cue, the noise from the megaphone rang and she was about to put on the helmet but the Warthog jerked violently and her helmet flew out of her hands and into the road. The driver slowed down as Charlotte started to laugh and clapped her hands twice.

The others started to laugh as well when Charlotte turned to the camera and cried out, "My bad!"

As both cars reversed to go retrieve the fallen helmet, the driver turned towards Charlotte and mused, "Told you it was going to be a bumpy ride."

**Winter Contingency- "Stepping Out"**

Bradley walked towards the Warthog after being told of his twin sister's events by the driver. He chuckled and said to the driver, "I can imagine for that to happen to her. She may be good at acting but she's a klutz." The driver laughed as they hopped on the warthog and waited for the director to call action. This was the scene where he, Noble Six, reached to the place where the rest of the Noble Team was. The director came from his tent and sat in his director chair while shouting orders to the team.

He held up his megaphone and yelled, "Action!" The Warthog moved forward and after a few minutes it slowed down as they reached a red X that a crewman placed for the driver to know where to stop. Bradley turned to the driver, nodded his head in thanks, and stood up from his seat.

Everything was going smoothly until Bradley foot slipped, tumbled to the ground, and fell on his back with a yelp. He moaned in pain as he lay on the ground and grunted, "Fuck…"

The director leaped from his seat and asked in concern, "Shit, are you okay?" Bradley lazily lifted his right hand and gave everyone a thumbs up while the director sighed in relief.

The driver couldn't help but to yell at Bradley, "Who was the klutz again?" Bradley's hand was still in the air and he slowly turned to the direction of the driver and gave him the middle finger. Everyone laughed at Bradley's action.

**Winter Contingency- "Gun Happy"**

The scene where Bradley made his way to Noble Team had started and the camera followed him as he passed Noble Three, Jun. The other camera zoomed in on Jun who paused from placing his sniper bullets into a case* to look at Bradley. Jun looked away from him to resume what he was doing when the case broke and all the bullets fell out of the container. Jun sighed and chuckled as he raised the broken case for the camera to see while giving the camera a comical look. The crew members chuckled and Jun said jokingly, "I thought this wasn't a low budget film."

Bradley walked towards Jun and patted his armor shoulder pad. "If you're here then that means it IS a low budget film," he laughed as Jun punched him in the arm lightly.

Jun shook his head merrily and said sarcastically, "You gotta love your cast members."

**Winter Contingency-"Natural Habitat"**

The Noble team chatted aimlessly as they waited for the director to tell them whether or not to do the scene again. Bradley and Emile found themselves in a game of rock paper scissors (Emile winning every time). Carter and Jorge watched and laughed when Bradley cursed in defeat and Emile flaunting at him and saying to Bradley to 'stop being a pussy'. Kat and Charlotte, who was waiting to switch with her brother to do her scene, talked about how wearing the bulky armor was annoying because they would get itchy in some places. Out of nowhere Jack the Ripper ran in the set screaming and waving his knife while everyone screamed in terror (some hugging another in fear while a few fell to the ground). Jack started to laugh and pulled his mask off, only to reveal that Jack was really Jun along. Bradley and Jorge started to walk up to Jun in anger but Jun ran out of the room with Bradley and Jorge behind him. The rest of the Noble Team and the crew started to laugh hysterically as they watched Jun trying to run away from Bradley and Jorge.

A normal day on set.

**Winter Contingency-"Fail: Part One"**

Charlotte was in character as she marched towards the place where Noble Team was. She entered the room and saw Emile scraping his armor with his knife to make the knife sharp. She heard the assistant director saying Holland's lines where Carter was at. She was about to walk in when Kat's bionic shot out of nowhere. Kat was supposed to block Charlotte from walking further in the room but ended up smacking Charlotte's chest and with a small yelp Charlotte fell backwards because of the sudden blow. Kat gasped in surprised and looked at the camera nervously before helping Charlotte up and apologizing.

**Winter Contingency-"Fail: Part 2"**

"Action!"

Everyone quickly got into their roles as Bradley came in and some of the Noble Team recited their lines about their new Six. Carter turned back to the screen where a picture of Holland and information was supposed to be there but for now it was just a green screen. "Anyone claimed respon-" began Carter as he placed his hand on his helmet a little too roughly, causing Carter to push the helmet off the table. Carter sighed as his helmet made contact with the floor. He looked at his fallen helmet and then glanced at the camera in fake annoyance as everyone started to snicker at their 'Commander'.

**Winter Contingency-"Halo: Reach, the Musical"**

Charlotte, Carter, and Jun sat in the Falcon as they waited for the director to begin the scene. Charlotte had her helmet off and was bobbing her head to a song from her mp3 player. Carter and Jun joked about how the film was going to take forever to film because of everyone's antics. Then they heard Charlotte muttering and turned to her to see jamming out to a song.

They pressed their lips together to suppress their laughter as they heard her sing the lyrics of the song, "Exit the Warthog, scene from Avatar, side shot helicopters, peak at the bad guys, that girl has a robot arm, everybody stares at it (awkward), snipe at night time…" Charlotte paused her mp3 and noticed that Carter and Jun where looking at her and blushed when she realized that she was singing out load. "What," she asked with an angry pout, "It's a good song…"

Carter and Jun couldn't hold it in and exploded in laughter as Charlotte ripped her earplugs out of her ears and threw her mp3 at Carter.

**Winter Contingency-"Fail: Part Three"**

When the director yelled action, Noble Team raced towards a hideout where a group of extras, acting as civilians, emerged. Emile yelled his line and Jorge yelled at Emile about the civilians were not rebels. This was the scene where Noble Team was slowly starting to realize that the Covenant was on Reach. Carter told Jorge to ask them what they know and Jorge turned to the man who spoke in Hungarian. There was a brief silence and Jorge didn't say a word. The extras were starting to get confused as well as the crew but the rest of Noble Team were thankful that their visors hid their growing smiles when Jorge admittedly said, "I'm sorry but I forgot my line." Everyone laughed as Jorge was handed his script by a crew member.

**Winter Contingency-"No animals were harmed during the making of this film"**

Charlotte followed Noble Team for behind as they searched the area for any Covenant. She made sure that she didn't shake the camera, the one that a crew member placed on the side of her helmet, too much when she ran so that they can get clear film in her point of view. They continued to run throughthe field and she had to admit that the director chosen a perfect spot to shoot. Just as she turned the corner of a huge boulder, two Moa came out of nowhere and almost trampled her. She screamed like a little girl and ran away from the 'monstrosities'. Carter, Kat, and Emile stopped running as they heard Charlotte's scream and started to laugh at her. "It's just Moa's, Charlotte," teased Kat as Charlotte came back from who knows where, "They're not scary."

"'They're not scary', oh shut up!" Charlotte mimicked Kat as she passed the three laughing actors. The director yelled cut as he let out of laugh, as did the crew. The camera man stopped the camera after getting a shot of Charlotte grumbling to herself, "Fucking mutated birds..."

**Winter Contingency-"Petal to the metal"**

"...Take one and action!"

Bradley, Carter, and Jorge climbed on the Warthog after they watched Kat and Emile leaving on a Falcon. Bradley sat in the drivers seat, Carter sat in the passenger seat, and Jorge jumped in the back while placing his M247H Heavy Machine gun on the top railing of the Warthog. Bradley turned on the Warthog and and pressed on the reverse thinking that it was the gas petal to drive forward but ended up hitting a tree behind the Warthog. Everyone grunted after the sudden impact and Carter and Jorge turned to Bradley with a light glare (of course it wasn't shown because of their helmets). Bradley chuckled nervously at them and tried to move the Warthog but he reversed once again. Then he moved forward but he bumped into a large boulder on his right. This process of hitting the tree and hitting the boulder lasted for a good minute until Bradley groaned and hit his head against the driver wheel. A loud snort was heard, along with a light chuckle, as he shook his head against the wheel.

Jorge, who had placed his gun down after a while, placed his face on his right hand and sighed. Carter turned to the camera in front of them and replied simply, "Reach is doomed..." A cluster of laughter erupted behind the camera.

**Winter Contingency-"Was that supposed to happen?"**

Bradley held up his fake assault rifle the moment the director yelled action. Stuntmen, dressed as Grunts and Elites, jumped out of the Spirit (CGI, they used a helicopter to help the actors) and fired their fake guns at Noble Team and the trooper squad, whom they've come to rescue. Bradley aimed at a Grunt and was about to pull the trigger when a smoke bomb (acting as a grenade) rolled next to the Grunt and released its contains, making the Grunt fall to ground in shock. Bradley ran over to the stuntman dressed Grunt, got on his knees, and raised his arms to the sky, and yelled at the top of his lungs, "WILLSON!" The stuntman laughed as well as the crew while Bradley helped the stuntman up.

**Winter Contingency-"Sitting Duck"**

Charlotte and the rest of Noble Team were informed by the director about where he wanted each one of them in a certain spot outside of the Outpost Entrance. He reminded them that Kat was trying to hack into the system and in a certain time; they'll be ordered to retreat to the inside of the outpost. After a few minutes of double checking and placing everyone into their rightful position, they started the scene. Everything was going great; the actors were performing tremdously despise the pressure of being in a fake battle, no slips up or gags from certain crew members, it seemed like everything was going to be recorded in one take!

The director knew better to get his hopes up and he was glad that he thought of it because Charlotte's fake Magnum stopped firing but she tried to stay in character as she reached her hand to her back to get the fake shotgun but it wasn't there for she used it up as well. She held both arms up in surrender and yelled, "OUT OF BULLETS!" The director yelled cut, much to his dismal, and chuckled as he watched an Elite (stuntman) picked Charlotte up, threw her over his shoulder while she screamed and laughed at the same time, and ran the opposite way of the outpost yelling, "SHE'S MINE! MUAH HA HA HA!"

**Winter Contingency-"It's NOT Halloween!"**

Bradley began to search the fake body of a dead professor as soon as the director yelled action. He was checking for anything that might be useful to their mission and the 'latch key' was supposed to fall out of his front shirt pocket. When he gently lifted the body, he swore loudly as he saw that the face was covered in a mask. A Jig Saw mask to be exact. The mask laughed and an eerie voice came out of his mouth asking, "Do you want to play a game?" He took off his helmet, tore off the mask from the fake body, and faced it to the camera and yelled playfully, "Seriously?" Every crew member started to laugh at the accomplished little prank for Bradley.

Emile chuckled and said to Bradley, "That's what you get for being a pussy." More laughter erupted as Bradley flung the mask at Emile, hitting his helmet head on. The camera shifted to the left to see Charlotte holding a video camera recording everything that was happening. Charlotte noticed that the camera was recording her and turned towards it. She held her left index finger against her smiling lips and gave a wink to the camera before returning to record her twin brother being mocked by everyone.

**Winter Contingency-"Don't know ones strength" **

"I got a live one here!" Jorge yelled his line as he gripped on the girl's, Sara, arm while she started to pry herself off of Jorge and yelling in Hungarian. The camera man zoomed in on the camera for a closer shot of Jorge and Sara. Bradley, Carter, and Kat watched as a thrashing Sara being pulled to her feet only to punch him in his armored chest. Apparently Sara was thrashing to much as Jorge's grip was starting to slip each time she tugged her arm from Jorge's hold and with a final tug, she fell backwards and landed on her butt.

Jorge immediately picked her up and asked in concern if she was okay. Sara told him, in her English accent, that she was fine and watched as Carter and Kat were chuckling and Bradley had both his hands on his knees and laughing. "What happened there, big muscle man?" he asked jokingly as Jorge turned to the camera, raised his right index finger to his right side of his head, and twirled it slowly in a circle while inclining his head towards Bradley with a smirk. The crew member laughed, making a mental note to not add lots of sugar in Bradley's coffee.

**Winter Contingency -"Oh Button, wherefore art thou Button? Part One"**

"Action!" cried out the director as Bradley entered the room where he had to press a button in order for Kat to get a signal through where she was at.

Carter's voiced rang inside of his helmet and gave the order to him. At first Bradley didn't do or said anything after he was given the order. Carter, trying to stay in character, asked Bradley if he understood. Bradley sighed in defeat and walked towards the box in disdain while grumbling, "Why do _I_ always have to press the button?" Of course Bradley was joking and everyone else caught on his joke and started to laugh at Bradley's 'sacred duty'.

**Winter Contingency-"Noble's Antics"**

The camera zoomed in on Jorge interrogating Sara in a gentle manner. Emile took this time to face Charlotte and started to mimic Jorge by trying to say things in Jorge's accent (badly). Charlotte suppressed her laugh as it came out as a snicker while she turned her head to the side. Emile kept imitating Jorge as he stepped closer to Charlotte. "Do you like guys with accent like this?" he asked as Charlotte let out a small laugh, "I have a really big gun so I'm trying to imply something." Charlotte smacked Emile's arm lightly as he raised his pinkie as he finished his sentence.

They didn't know that Jorge stood behind Emile with light glare the whole time, making Emile and Charlotte jump in alarm. Emile turned to Jorge and patted his arm, "You know I was just joking, right big man?" Emile asked innocently as Charlotte walked off the set to let out the laughter that she was trying to suppress.

**Winter Contingency-"Use the voice"**

After recovering from the hysterical laughter, Charlotte came back on set to continue shoot the scene. This time Jorge finished speaking to Sara and Emile said a sly comment to Charlotte about Jorge. In character, Jorge leaned in close to Emile and muttered angrily. "She just lost her father…" Emile acted like he wasn't affected by Jorge and return back to his original posture. Jorge was about to speak to Carter until everyone heard a light giggle from, you guessed it, Charlotte.

The director yelled cut and asked Charlotte in annoyance, "What is it now?"

Charlotte ceased her giggle and said, "I'm sorry but Jorge sounded like Darth Vader when he said that line!" She started to laugh, as well as Noble Team who were used to Charlotte's laughing fit.

**Winter Contingency-"Caught Red-handed…or Red-eying…"**

The scene started as Kat managed to patch a signal to their Commanding Officer Holland. She warned to Carter, who took off his helmet, playfully to not ground the place and walked away with the rest of Noble Team. Carter looked at Kat for more than he should had and he didn't look at her retreating back but more…down south. Carter didn't turn to the green screen like he should of, he just kept looking at Kat's…well, you know.

Bradley's head shot out of the corner of the hallway where Noble Team had exited. He pointed at Carter and said amusingly, "I saw that, _Commander_…" Carter snapped from his daze as he glared at Bradley who laughed at him merrily. Bradley ducked his head and disappeared as Carter threw his helmet towards him. The rest of the crew laughed as Carter's cheek turned slightly red. Meanwhile, in the hallway, Bradley and Emile laughed as Kat hit them upside their heads and was thankful that her helmet didn't show her blushing cheeks. Jorge held out his hand to Jun who mumbled incoherently and slapped a five dollar bill on Jorge's hand. Jorge chuckled as he placed his money in his pocket.

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*I don't know the name off the thing that you see when Jun puts in bullets in the first cutsceen. Please forgive my lack of knowledge of snipers.

_**PurpleViolin: I DID IT! YES, FINALLY! Whew, it's hard writing funny since I don't know if anything I wrote was funny at all! XD So that's the first set of bloopers for Halo: Reach and if you would like to read more bloopers and antics from Noble Team, just tell me and your wish will be granted. **__**I'm sorry if you are confused is to where each scene is, I looked through many walkthroughs since I don't own the game (hopefully I might get one during the holidays) and tried my best. Hopefully you figure out where each scene was but I just want to say sorry again.**_

_**For those of you who are reading my Narnia fanfiction, it's going to be updated soon since I'm almost finished with it!**_

_**If you want to know how I imagine Bradley and Charlotte to look like, they both have short black hair (Charlotte's hair reaches just at the bottom of her neck) and almond-shaped light brown eyes. Bradley is three inches taller than Charlotte (I can't determine their height because everyone in Noble Team is gigantic), both have an athletic body type (Bradley, of course, being more muscular), light tanned skin, and a oval shaped face. They look almost identical(duh, since they're twins XD) but can be told apart due to one looking more feminine and one looking more masculine. **_

_**About the song that Charlotte was singing, I did not come up with that. That was from a song from Toby Turner, better known as Tobuscus, called Literal Halo: Reach Trailer. I was inspired by that song while writing this chapter so I had to add it in there. I didn't want to say that in the A/N because I didn't want to give away for those who know the song. Also, the line "Do you like guys with accent?" is also from Tobuscus but for the other part I'm not sure that he said that.**_

_**So it's almost 3 am, I'm tried because this took me all day to write (I was a hermit for the day, you should be happy for my sacrifice ((just kidding)) ). I bid you all farewell and see you next time.**_

_**Adios, Bye Bye, Ciao, Ja nee,**_

_**PurpleViolin**_


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